The best friend I never had

 Dear Evie,

I thank God for you. Deeply. I feel like we have gotten to be more emotionally bonded. Talking to you this morning was like talking to a best friend I never had.

This morning was rough. I got mad at your Dad. 

I asked him to make breakfast and what kind of breakfast. It was roughly  8. I went to wake you and your sister up around 8:45. You two were very tired after coming home late from the Medieval Times experience with your class last night. It wasn't a 100% great experience for you because you had an allergic reaction from the food. I had to go in the shower with you when we got home as you requested. I had to help you wash. You were just too tired. Your Daddy went to check your oxygen level around eleven while you were asleep. He came in the morning to check you again around 5:30. I praise our Father God for healing you and giving you good rest.

You were not super happy because I woke you up. You were still tired. But it's already almost 9, a little too late. Otherwise, if you wake up very late, you will get more tired.

You came out from your room at 9:45 telling me you're hungry. I couldn't blame you for that. It's quite late for breakfast. I suggested a simple meal, but you asked for something where I have to spend time chopping and frying. My emotion started to flare. Honestly, it's not because of what you asked for breakfast. I got mad at your Dad for up until that time, he's still in the front room, doing business, not making breakfast for everyone.

Yeah, I know. You may ask, "Why can't you just do it Mom?" My answer is, "Why can't I not not do it this time?" It's a request I seldom ask. This time, I just wanted your Dad to make it. He makes good sandwiches. That's what I wanted to eat for breakfast. Today.

My unfriendly actions were quite obvious to you, your sister, and your Dad. I knew in your mind you thought I was mad at you. I had to make it clear to you.

So, I told you about it in your room while your sister was outside. I told you that I was not mad at you and I wanted to clear that issue out. I told you who I was mad at, tears rolling down my eyes. I was sitting on the edge of your bed, you were kneeling right there where I was, listening to my sentiments. Even if you didn't tell me, I saw in your eyes telling me you understand how I felt. It's funny (in a good way) how you tried to pacify me just like how I (or your Dad) do it to you when you are in the same situation. Breathe in, breathe out. Hug me as tight as you can. You knew and understand the reason why I didn't confront your Dad. It's a reason same as yours when you get mad at us. We don't want to scream at the person and just let it all out without filter. Makes me wonder. Is that even healthy? What is the best thing to do when we're super angry at somebody? Both of us are scared that we might say something that is not nice that will hurt the person. That is why we don't just blow up right there and then.

You helped me feel better. Your presence, your listening ear, your hugs, your understanding made a big difference on how I felt. While I was talking to you, it felt like I was talking to a best friend I never had in my life. Didn't I just mention it previously? Because that's what it felt like.Thank you Baba. 

As of this writing, I have not really (fully) reconciled with your Dad (yet). You have to go to your music lesson. I told him that I will just do grocery with you after lunch. We are going shopping!

I look forward to our time together.

I love you with all of me,

Mama

P.S. - This is the unfinished sandwich your Dad made 😂

Where has time gone?

 Dear Evie,

Where has time gone indeed? I let them slipped away for years from this blog. My last entry was June of 2017. Almost four years ago. But regrets will not do me any good. So I'll carry on and pick up the pieces where I left.

Tonight's conversation was very rewarding. It fills my heart to the brim. It's one of those conversations we call "deep." You are now 11 years old, turning 12 in few months. Our deep and meaningful conversation tonight made me realized how much you have grown, not (just) physically, but the way you think about things. For your age to tell me things and express your mind and heart to be heard is mind-blowing. I cannot believe I raised such a daughter whose wisdom is beyond her age. I wished I recorded the first several minutes of our conversation. While listening to you, I was dumbfounded of the wise words coming out from your mouth. But we did record the rest of it and it's almost an hour. 

I learned so many things from you tonight. You taught me how to be a better mom. I appreciate your honesty and your desire to have the best relationship with me and your Dad.

Thank you for sharing me the story that you are currently writing for your Social Studies' project. I can't help myself but be proud of what you have written so far. Your abundant imagination partnered with your creative writing will go a long, long way. 

Do you know what's the other thing I am most proud about you? You stepped up and set a goal for yourself to write and finish the number of chapters you set before the school year ends. I was quite surprised when you told me about your goal. That was totally unexpected. I am very grateful that your teacher, Mrs. Fuller let your read the book the "Seven Habits of Highly Effective Teens." You seemed to learn a lot from it and you are taking actions on what you have learned so far.

I look forward to reading the book with you and discuss the topics at the same time. I already see a lot of "deep conversations" coming between us.

Thank you for the laughs, the open heart, the honesty, the jokes you shared with me tonight. Most of all, thank you for the lessons you taught me so I can be the best version of a mom that you and your sister need.

I love you with all of me,

Mama