The best friend I never had

 Dear Evie,

I thank God for you. Deeply. I feel like we have gotten to be more emotionally bonded. Talking to you this morning was like talking to a best friend I never had.

This morning was rough. I got mad at your Dad. 

I asked him to make breakfast and what kind of breakfast. It was roughly  8. I went to wake you and your sister up around 8:45. You two were very tired after coming home late from the Medieval Times experience with your class last night. It wasn't a 100% great experience for you because you had an allergic reaction from the food. I had to go in the shower with you when we got home as you requested. I had to help you wash. You were just too tired. Your Daddy went to check your oxygen level around eleven while you were asleep. He came in the morning to check you again around 5:30. I praise our Father God for healing you and giving you good rest.

You were not super happy because I woke you up. You were still tired. But it's already almost 9, a little too late. Otherwise, if you wake up very late, you will get more tired.

You came out from your room at 9:45 telling me you're hungry. I couldn't blame you for that. It's quite late for breakfast. I suggested a simple meal, but you asked for something where I have to spend time chopping and frying. My emotion started to flare. Honestly, it's not because of what you asked for breakfast. I got mad at your Dad for up until that time, he's still in the front room, doing business, not making breakfast for everyone.

Yeah, I know. You may ask, "Why can't you just do it Mom?" My answer is, "Why can't I not not do it this time?" It's a request I seldom ask. This time, I just wanted your Dad to make it. He makes good sandwiches. That's what I wanted to eat for breakfast. Today.

My unfriendly actions were quite obvious to you, your sister, and your Dad. I knew in your mind you thought I was mad at you. I had to make it clear to you.

So, I told you about it in your room while your sister was outside. I told you that I was not mad at you and I wanted to clear that issue out. I told you who I was mad at, tears rolling down my eyes. I was sitting on the edge of your bed, you were kneeling right there where I was, listening to my sentiments. Even if you didn't tell me, I saw in your eyes telling me you understand how I felt. It's funny (in a good way) how you tried to pacify me just like how I (or your Dad) do it to you when you are in the same situation. Breathe in, breathe out. Hug me as tight as you can. You knew and understand the reason why I didn't confront your Dad. It's a reason same as yours when you get mad at us. We don't want to scream at the person and just let it all out without filter. Makes me wonder. Is that even healthy? What is the best thing to do when we're super angry at somebody? Both of us are scared that we might say something that is not nice that will hurt the person. That is why we don't just blow up right there and then.

You helped me feel better. Your presence, your listening ear, your hugs, your understanding made a big difference on how I felt. While I was talking to you, it felt like I was talking to a best friend I never had in my life. Didn't I just mention it previously? Because that's what it felt like.Thank you Baba. 

As of this writing, I have not really (fully) reconciled with your Dad (yet). You have to go to your music lesson. I told him that I will just do grocery with you after lunch. We are going shopping!

I look forward to our time together.

I love you with all of me,

Mama

P.S. - This is the unfinished sandwich your Dad made 😂

Where has time gone?

 Dear Evie,

Where has time gone indeed? I let them slipped away for years from this blog. My last entry was June of 2017. Almost four years ago. But regrets will not do me any good. So I'll carry on and pick up the pieces where I left.

Tonight's conversation was very rewarding. It fills my heart to the brim. It's one of those conversations we call "deep." You are now 11 years old, turning 12 in few months. Our deep and meaningful conversation tonight made me realized how much you have grown, not (just) physically, but the way you think about things. For your age to tell me things and express your mind and heart to be heard is mind-blowing. I cannot believe I raised such a daughter whose wisdom is beyond her age. I wished I recorded the first several minutes of our conversation. While listening to you, I was dumbfounded of the wise words coming out from your mouth. But we did record the rest of it and it's almost an hour. 

I learned so many things from you tonight. You taught me how to be a better mom. I appreciate your honesty and your desire to have the best relationship with me and your Dad.

Thank you for sharing me the story that you are currently writing for your Social Studies' project. I can't help myself but be proud of what you have written so far. Your abundant imagination partnered with your creative writing will go a long, long way. 

Do you know what's the other thing I am most proud about you? You stepped up and set a goal for yourself to write and finish the number of chapters you set before the school year ends. I was quite surprised when you told me about your goal. That was totally unexpected. I am very grateful that your teacher, Mrs. Fuller let your read the book the "Seven Habits of Highly Effective Teens." You seemed to learn a lot from it and you are taking actions on what you have learned so far.

I look forward to reading the book with you and discuss the topics at the same time. I already see a lot of "deep conversations" coming between us.

Thank you for the laughs, the open heart, the honesty, the jokes you shared with me tonight. Most of all, thank you for the lessons you taught me so I can be the best version of a mom that you and your sister need.

I love you with all of me,

Mama

Slime Shoe Craze / Queen Mom

Dear Fifi,

 "This is you, with a crown. You're the queen mom!" How sweet of you!Yesterday you showed me this drawing  you did in my phone's app. You drew a few things, but this one is my favorite. It's amazing that in the span of time you spent on the drawing app, you thought of me. You thought of drawing the version of me in your imagination and heart —a queen! I asked why you made me a queen in your drawing. "Because I want you to look pretty in a dress and have good days!" What innocent and sweet thought. You made me feel so special. Thank you so much for this beautiful drawing that is full of love.

Dear Evie,

Your creativity always amazes me and makes me laugh at times. Today you thought of making a shoe made out of slime. Tadaaaaaa!

I laughed so much when I saw it. You are insanely creative and funny! I had to take a picture of it and share it with family and friends. They thought it's hilarious and quite clever. Same as what I thought. You and Fi can play slime the whole day if you want to. I am glad that this thing doesn't create a big mess. You were so worried you will get your shirt stained like what happened last time, so you decided to not color yours this time. However, you changed your mind and colored it. I saw your wet shirt in the bathroom. I suspect there's stains on it from the slime. Whoa! Good thing the stain comes off easily. So that is okay.

I appreciate how you are mindful of the mess. You tried to clean up everything. You're most probably worried that Mama will get mad. Thank you for cleaning up the mess baby. You are an awesome big sister who takes care of things. I am so proud of you.

I love you with all of me,
Mama

Jesus Heals You

My dearest Evie,


I am writing this letter while you are at the Phoenix Children's Urgent Care doing your breathing treatment. Daddy took you there around eight o'clock tonight. I didn't like the sound of your breathing. I told Daddy that we should take you to the doctor tomorrow. Thankfully, Daddy suggested to take you to the urgent care tonight.

I am very much worried about you. Daddy just called me a little while ago. You undergone X-ray and the doctor thought that you might have pneumonia. I am very sorry that you are sick. I feel bad because I am not there beside you so I can just hold you in my arms. I wanted so much to be beside you right now.

Mama is praying for you. I pray to Jesus that He heals you, make you feel better...back to normal. He's the only one  I know I can turn to in times like this, no one else. With Him I am assured of your well-being. I cannot wait to have you back home. Most probably you will fall asleep on your way home.

I love you very much. My heart deeply aches whenever you are sick, specially at time when we have to take you to the doctor. But I know that Jesus is there holding you right now, giving you His healing touch.

Come home soon little one. I miss you very much.

My pirate fairy.

I love you with all of me,
Mama

First Day of School

Dear Evie,

It's your first day of school. You were the most excited. I can tell by the look in your face, the way you smile, all of your body language. And of course, verbally. You've been asking for days when will you be going to school and finally it happened today. Dada and me were worried that the school won't accept you today because we have not gotten the consent form signed by your pediatrician for the administration of Epipen.Your doctor was not available. But thankfully, your school was happy to take you in with your Benadryl in hand.

There was no sign of separation anxiety from you at all. Right after you got into your classroom, you instantly fit yourself in. You are just the happiest being around with other kids. I am happy that you are such a sociable little person. This is your first step in the "big world." I just pray to God that He will keep you safe always. He is the only one who can do it.

I love you with all of me,
Mama

"Uh oh"

Dear Fi,

You started to say "uh oh" which sounds so cute to my ears. You say it specially at times you have some naughty plans in your mind. You started to say "come" too. You are learning how to verbalize things. I so love to hear them. I am looking forward for more words from you.

I love you with all of me,
Mama

Dear Evie,

You got to meet your teacher and new friends in school today. You were the most excited. You shared the cart that you were playing with to a new friend. That was so nice of you. You are a very sociable little person. I know that you are happy to be around other kids. I know that you will enjoy school. You are turning into a big girl. I pray that God will keep you safe all the time specially at times I am not with you. I am used to have you 24 hours a day. But as you are getting into school age, you will be apart from me for few hours. I surely will miss you very much.

I love you with all of me,
Mama

Sous Chef Evie

Dear Evie,

Kneading dough for siopao.

Today you helped me make siopao (steamed bun). It's a very popular snack in the Philippines. We made this one before. But I don't think you still remember. You were very young then.You enjoyed kneading the dough. And because of that, we over-knead it. The consistency of the bun turned a little dense instead of soft and fluffy. But it's okay. Dada suggested that next time if we are going to make siopao again, I should give you a small piece of dough just for you to knead. You can knead it as long as you want :) By the way, you liked what we made. You ate one big piece of it. Your favorite part is the bun. You kept stealing Dada's pure white bun. Thank you for helping me today. I know there was a time I got a little frustrated while making it and snapped at you. At least now I know how to take care of it next time.

arrrrrrr

I love you with all of me,
Mama

Dear Fi,

It's funny how you tried to snort everytime you watch the show "Peppa Pig" on Nick Jr. And everytime I sing the line "peppa pig" you try snorting. You still don't know how to snort, but you are brilliant to find a way to mimic the sound.

You are so expert in opening doors now. You started learning the trick a week ago. I guess we have to lock doors where you don't want you to go like the bathroom. You know why? Because you dip your hands in the toilet or throw something in it. You are my clever girl.

I love you with all of me,
Mama